…as you turn on the TV, you find yourself in the middle of a new BBC drama called “The project”. The show is sort of like “The Office” meets “Falcon crest”.
THE CAST IS AS FOLLOWS:
Saleswoman (the smart and beautiful Sarah) Project owner (former marine) Tech lead (husband and father of two, has a crush on Sarah) Architect (logical to a fault, don’t know how to small talk) Developer (stereotype geek) Ops guy (blames everything on the developers) Chairman of the board (perfectly dressed, also in love with Sarah) Head of PMO (deflects any argument with reference to his 30 years of experience)
As you tune in to the show, the camera is cross cutting between interviews of the cast (“The Office”-style). They are all asked about the progress of a big project tasked with replacing the legacy production system.
The saleswoman: “The customers have complained about the old system for years. I was ecstatic when I heard they were replacing it, but that was two years ago and nothing has happened. The competition is eating us alive. We cannot miss the new deadline!”
The project owner: “I’m not sure what the holdup is, development never delivers anything on time! They keep complaining about missing specs. But for the love of God, they’re supposed to replace an existing system! Are you telling me no one knows how the old system works?!“
The tech lead: “I don’t know what to tell you. The proof of concept we made isn’t producing accurate data, and it’s so slow it hurts. The architect keeps rejecting the specifications as incomplete.”
The architect: “The complexity is through the roof! It’s not clear what problem we are supposed to solve, let alone how! We’re holding the old system together with duct tape, and we have maybe one guy who knows how it all works. I don’t think anyone in the building knows how to pull this off.”
The developer: “To be honest, we spend most of our time on the legacy system to keep it from falling apart,” he says while adjusting his thick glasses. “This deadline is a joke. The whole project is a joke. It’s like I’m living in a Dilbert comic!”
The ops guy: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Never heard of it. This is typical! We’re always the last to know anything around here,” he screams while literally stomping his foot.
Chairman of the board: “The budget for next year is 12 million USD,” she replies. Her monotone voice sounds eerily like HAL in “2001: A space odyssey”. You’re not sure if she’s joking or not.
Head of PMO: “What’s with all the questions? The project is on track!” he strikes the air with his fist in a downward motion as if to erase any doubt about the matter. “Anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot. I’ve been doing this since before you were born! How old are you anyway? 19? Are you even supposed to be here?” he snorts before walking off screen.
The developer walks by in the background, stopping a moment to imitate a raving madman while pointing in the general direction of the head of the PMO. The show cuts back to the tech lead, who looks beyond the camera in a distracted fashion. “By the way, have you seen Sarah around lately?”